Went for Tapas with my daughter this evening. We were remembering the time a whole crowd of us went to lunch at Birling Gap, and the service was just dreadful. We all got served at different times, some dishes were not what we'd ordered, some were cold, and the waitress was in shrugging mode, as if we were the most terrible nuisances that had ever interrupted her Sunday lunch time.

When the bill arrived, it was hefty, with no reductions for the mistakes we had courteously pointed out, and patiently waited to have corrected. Some of the mistakes were never corrected at all, with a vegetarian amongst us finally just eating the vegetables around a piece of gristly meat served to her. There was the usual business of adding up, and eking out, and notes being swapped and change being counted until we had the correct amount on the plate. I then took a biro from my bag and wrote on the bill. Where it stated, after the total amount, "Service Not Included", I wrote, "No, it certainly wasn't" - and sternly refused the offer of contributions to a tip.

Suddenly, it seemed, I was alone. My friends and family had dashed to their cars. I took the plate overflowing with notes and the defaced bill to the bar, and handed it to the waiter. I waited until he declared the amount correct, read the comment on the bill, and turned to me with a crooked smile. "Goodbye," I said, and walked, alone, into the car park.

Recalling this over the Tapas, my daughter said that it had been an hilarious incident. Had it? "Well, we were all laughing in our cars," she told me, "We did think it was funny". Not funny enough to stick around and enjoy it, obviously.

I guess it's an age thing. I certainly wouldn't expect any extra for doing my job hopelessly. In fact, I would expect a verbal warning. Why do we automatically tip for bad service? Being English has its good points, but when we act without thinking, out of some sort of misplaced intimidation and fear, it's just ridiculous.