Hannah at Work pointed out to me how many jobs I have. They ring in to speak to the Practice Manager, she said, that's you. They ring in to speak to the Boss's PA; that's you. They ring in to speak to the fee earners' secretary; that's you. Who aren't you? "I'm not the janitor," I told her, "and someone else ought to water the plants, and order signage, and put a hard hat on to take the workmen onto the leaking roof". Who?, she asked. Oh, shut up.

One of our female alcoholic clients came in this afternoon, and collapsed onto the chair next to the tank of marine fish. "I've had enough!", she said. Clearly she had, and all courtesy of the local Wetherspoons. It's so sad to see her like this - she comes from a respectable family, is in her forties, and in an abusive relationship with a much older man. She's up in court soon for throwing a telephone at him, and yet, she sits in front of me with two black eyes and a broken wrist. "What do you think I should do?", she asked me piteously. Erm - get away from him? "But, I lurve him sho mush", she said. She used to be a nurse, with her own flat. Now, she's homeless, and unable to look after herself, never mind nurse anyone else. How does this happen to decent people?

She suddenly spotted our new addition to the fish tank, and became quite animated. "She'sh golden!", she cried, "Wash her name?" We have tried to recreate the cast of Finding Nemo in our tank and have clown fish, a blue Dory, and all sorts. "She's called Marge", I told her, "because she's the colour of margarine". She said, how strange, the names people give you."When I was in HMP Bronzefield," she said, "they all called me Martini. I've no idea why". Sometimes, I don'y know whether to laugh or cry.

Like the guy who came in last week and wanted to take out an action aganst the police. "They violated my Human Rights", he said, with an air of certainty. I sat down and spoke to him to ascertain whether we had a case, and it turned out that the police had offered him a meal of lasagne while he was in custody, and he doesn't eat "foreign muck". Hannah at Work said she could see me trying not to laugh out loud when she passed the interview room.

"Your shoulders were trembling," she told me, "I knew you were either going to laugh or sneeze". I am getting very good at these pretend sneezes...